A not so bad break
by jibber59
Summary: Another quick lesson for Ezra as he awaits his fate. Written in support of a good friend!


"I swear to God Ezra, you are the only man I know who can handle getting shot multiple times and barely whimper, but when you slip on the stairs it is the end of world!"

"Mr. Wilmington, if you had even the vaguest understanding of the true meaning of pain and suffering you would not have dared to utter such a slur on my character."

"Oh, I know all about suffering Ezra. Listening to you complain is the best teacher there is on that score."

Chris had listened to enough of this to last him a lifetime.

"Knock it off, both of you. If you can't play nice Buck, then go home."

Buck looked at him in shock. "Go home? Why would I go home? Ezra's going into surgery soon. Course I'm going to be here."

The level of exasperation reflected in the sigh Chris let out was immeasurable, but it did have the small benefit of giving the restless patient something to smile about, and that was a sight they hadn't seen in a while. It had been several days since an arrest gone wrong had ended with Ezra sprawled at the bottom of a staircase. The good news was that he had managed to land on the suspect which served to both subdue the bad guy, and soften Ezra's fall, to a degree. Not enough to prevent some damage – enough to land him in the hospital with a nasty fracture to his fibula along with a torn meniscus. Efforts to set the leg were proving less than successful and it was finally determined that surgery was going to be the only option that would ensure a proper recovery. As the hour grew closer, Ezra was becoming more anxious, which was totally out of character and was beginning to worry Chris.

"Ezra, I need you to look me in the eye and tell me you aren't holding anything back. Doctor said this is all pretty routine stuff. Did he tell you anything different?"

The moment of silence it took for Ezra to answer had them all on edge. "No, nothing different. I can only assume he shared precisely the same assurance with you as he did with me, given that I authorized him to do so."

"Then what the hell is the matter with you?" Vin asked. He'd had the same worries about Ezra's attitude.

He debated for the briefest of moments about feigning ignorance and immediately determined it would be a futile gesture. "I do apologize to all of you for my somewhat less than stellar demeanor of the past several days."

"Hell Ezra, we get it. Being in pain sucks. Nothing that complicated about it." Buck's reassuring smile was almost Ezra's undoing. How did he ever get to the point in his life he could so easily find forgiveness and support?

"You do know that the doctor wasn't trying to put anything over on you, right?" Nathan was sure the cantankerous attitude was based in an unwarranted concern. "This type of surgery is done all the time."

"Yeah," JD had listened when the doctor described the process. "Sounds simple enough they could take care of it just by using a glue gun or something!"

Hoping to distract Ezra from that image Josiah tried to be look on the bright side of things. "They won't even be putting you under for it – just a regional anesthesia will be enough."

JD squirmed a bit at the thought. "Unless you want them to knock you out. I know I wouldn't want to be awake for all of that."

The glare from Chris spoke louder than words. "Way to be encouraging JD." He turned back to Ezra, trying to look less intimidating, and almost succeeding. "You didn't really answer Vin. What's wrong? And don't get cute about it – just answer."

"When have you ever known me to be 'cute' about matters? It is simply not within in my basic nature to be in any way less than honest and forthcoming." He pauses, appreciating the restraint the others were demonstrating. "Fine. I am not trying to be evasive or obtuse in my response. I really don't have an answer. I just feel a certain – unease I suppose. My head knows the procedure is nothing to be concerned about, and if pressed, I would have to acknowledge that isn't really from where the distress is derived."

"Then what –"

"Inevitability." His interruption of Josiah's question silenced them all briefly. He shrugged as he saw their confusion. "I cannot help but reflect upon the number of times one of us has been here or in a similar position. Hurt, wounded, injured, sick. Far to often in circumstances far more serious than this."

"And you figure sooner or later one of us isn't going to be so lucky." Chris understood completely. He didn't care to admit how often the same thought had crossed his mind.

"If there is one area in which I excel, it is in understanding the odds, and while we may be on the side of the angels, we have challenged the laws of probability far too often."

The bed dipped to one side as Josiah cautiously perched on the edge. "That may be the case son, but this time isn't the one to change that. You don't need to be worrying like that now."

"You're worried because you seem to be the one who ends up in this bed more than the rest of us?" Vin asked.

"Combined." Buck couldn't hold back the addition.

It was more than just the fatigue of the past few days and the concern of the moment that kept Ezra from being able to hide the flash of guilt that crossed his face. "Not at all, and please be assured I have no desire see any of you taking my place on this side of the hospital curtain."

"Didn't think for a moment that you did." Nathan sought to reassure him.

"As I have informed you all on more than one occasion I don't believe in luck. A person creates his own fate, his own destiny, and the random fall of fortune plays no significant role. Having said that, I will admit to a genuine concern that my absurdly elevated propensity for calamity would seem to have usurped whatever good fortune this team may have had bestowed upon it."

"Hang on." Buck couldn't believe that he was interpreting this right. "You think that if something bad happens to one of us it will be your fault somehow?"

"Mighty high opinion of yourself there Ezra, wouldn't you say. To think you have that much influence over the way things play out." Josiah's tone was far less harsh than the words.

"It isn't that so much as –"

"Stop Ezra." Chris paused, waiting patiently until Ezra finally looked up at him. "I'm not even going to justify that crap with a response, because I know you are fully aware of just how asinine it is."

"More to it, isn't there?" Buck took on a rare serious stance. "You figure if that should ever happen, we'd be blaming you in some way?" There was no response. "Damn it Ezra, I thought you were over that kind of thinking."

"We all did." Vin added, somewhat shocked by the revelation.

As happened all too often, things had gone far further in this than Ezra had anticipated. When was he going to learn that when he was medicated, he needed to keep his mouth shut? He was far to tired now to deal with the lecture on self worth that was bound to be coming his way, but since he couldn't exactly walk away, he braced himself for the impeding tirade.

"Relax Ezra. I'm not about to waste my breath telling you something that you already know. You may not be able to admit it, but I've got no doubt that you know it." Chris smiled slightly at the confusion on his friend's face. "If you didn't know where you fit in – that you fit in, these things wouldn't bother you so much. Fact that they do should tell you all you really need to know. That you are part of this family, whether you can understand that or not."

"And family sticks together Ezra." JD added.

Josiah smiled at him warmly. "Through thick or thin, if you will forgive the cliché."

"Perhaps, in time, I shall be able to figure out why."

"No need to know why, just know that it's true Pard."

There were a few moments of companionable silence, broken only by the arrival of a member of the surgical team. "OK Mr. Standish, time to get this little matter taken care of."

Chris patted him lightly on the shoulder as the team headed out for the waiting room. "Don't worry about a thing Ezra. This is going to go smooth as a ride on Chaucer, and when it's over, you've got family and friends around to help you however we can."

The End

PS – in case you didn't get it Kelly, that last line was aimed at you!


End file.
